


A Million Blinking Promises (That It'll All Be Okay)

by GirlWhoWrites



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, First Love, First Meeting, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-14 22:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5762182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlWhoWrites/pseuds/GirlWhoWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She is like an epiphany, the second he catches her scent, and all of his senses flare, to try and capture, preserve, the moment before him. In 1948, Alice finds Jasper, and Jasper finds Alice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Second fic! This one is made up of 275 word chapters surrounding the days after Jasper and Alice meet, written to the gorgeous poem 'Give Me the Sun and I'll Throw It Back At You' by S Mardon, which can be found on tumblr. Initially intended for lj community 31_days, I sadly missed the deadline. I hope you enjoy it, and thank you for reading! Next chapter should be posted Thursday evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second fic! This one is made up of 275 word chapters surrounding the days after Jasper and Alice meet, written to the gorgeous poem 'Give Me the Sun and I'll Throw It Back At You' by S Mardon, which can be found [here ](http://crimescened.tumblr.com/post/125747670351/the-sun-is-too-bright-for-me-the-daytime-leaves)on tumblr. Initially intended for lj community 31_days, I sadly missed the deadline. I hope you enjoy it, and thank you for reading! Next chapter should be posted Thursday evening.

_A million blinking promises that it'll all be okay._

He goes into the diner because it is raining and he is thirsty. He can see the waitress, the cook and two patrons through the rain-splattered window.

Easy prey.

And that is why he goes in, his conscience heavy for what he is about to do, his shoulders stooped in wait of the terror and grief that he will absorb from their deaths. But the thirst.

He starves himself, he goes mad.

He feeds, they send him mad.

He tries to walk the slim line of sanity in this life, but either way he is doomed to this suffering, to an endless line of ghosts, their voices breaking as they beg for him to spare them.

And then there is _her_.

She is like an epiphany, the second he catches her scent, and all of his senses flare, to try and capture, preserve, the moment before him – the worn blue floral dress she wears, caught on her thin knee; the sleeves of her coat falling over her hands. The loose thread hanging from a button on her gloves.

The black hair curling haphazardly around her face, the red-pink lipstick she has painted her lips with, her enormous tea-rose orange eyes framed by delicate eyelashes.

He has seen hundreds of female vampires, and they are beautiful. The best possible vision of themselves. But this tiny woman is enchanting, intoxicating, _exquisite_.

If he had to describe how she feels, it would be… it would be golden light, warm and welcoming. Soft and gentle, but stronger than iron. The fizz of champagne bubbles, the light of stars in wide-open country. 

So when she offers, he takes her hand.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thinks of a marionette turned human girl; of the brittle bones of tiny birds; of porcelain dolls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read the first chapter. I decided to upload Chapter Two early, since I'm going away. The next update should be on Saturday. Thank you for your support, and I hope you enjoy it.

She is like nothing he has ever come across.

She smiles at him brightly, and it sends a giddy sensation to the pit of his stomach; he makes a vow to make her smile like that as often as possible, before they part.

She has a tiny room in a boarding house that is rough and rundown; he is rather affronted by the lack of respectability, by the shabby part of town they have found themselves in, until he remembers that she is more than capable of protecting herself.

It's just… she deserves better than this pokey little hell-hole.

The room smells like dust, and the wallpaper is faded in areas. There is a bed, a desk and a closet wedged in the room, and she beams as she welcomes him in. It looks untouched, with only a few indications of an inhabitant - a small notebook and a pencil on the desk; two dresses hanging in the wardrobe.

She beams at him as she shimmies out of her coat. He is amazed at how small but perfectly wrought she is. He thinks of a marionette turned human girl; of the brittle bones of tiny birds; of porcelain dolls.

She takes his threadbare coat, and the amount of fabric is startling compared to her own garments. But she hangs it up and turns to him with a smile, clasping her hands behind her back. He wants to wallow in the happiness and sheer affection that radiates from this woman.

"I'm sure you have questions," she begins. "But I should introduce myself first – my name is Alice."

Of course.

His white rabbit _would_ be called Alice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And he wants what she is offering so badly, wants her and the pictures her words paint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, followed, favourited and left kudos on this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter; the next update should be Monday.

When she talks, her words trip over each other and spill forth; she has so much to say to him. She leans closer to him, and if it were anyone else, he would visibly scoff at the claims she makes.

Visions of the future.

The two of them.

A coven of family.

But her words are magic. And he wants what she is offering so badly, wants _her_ and the pictures her words paint. He is a moth to her light, and he is ashamed that he is all this life has offered her.

She has not a single memory of her humanity, or the pain of her change. She doesn't know who changed her, where she came from, or even her age. She is simply 'Alice', and he is genuinely curious how she knows her own name, if the burning did not stick in her mind.

He doesn't ask.

Instead, he simply absorbs the moment. The light in her eyes, the way her dress bunches up around her knees. The way she smells like clean cotton and rain water. The way she reaches out and clasps his hand, without ever considering whether she should fear him. The way she kneels on the bed, full of entirely too much feeling to simply be still – she almost vibrates.

For now, though, he lets her prove her gift to him, making him chuckle as she predicts a skittering mouse, the muffled sounds of a lover's quarrel and the fact that he will break the vase on the desk.

It shatters into eight sharp pieces, and she laughs at his shock, her delight making him laugh as well.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He cannot keep her, he cannot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update. Thank you to everyone who has read, favourited, followed and left kudos - i'm very grateful! With this chapter, we start Arc Two. The next chapter should go up on Wednesday. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy it!

_And the stars – oh, how can I describe it?_

He tries to resist her.

Though, he could have tried harder.

It starts with a kiss.

They are walking in the park like normal people, even if their clothes are shabby and ill-fitting. Even if his eyes are ruby red, and hers an enchanting tangerine. It is late, and eventually they are the only ones left. They have talked about everything and anything; she has asked about the South, about Peter and Charlotte, about his life before he was changed.

And then he kisses her.

It is soft, at first, a kiss he doesn't think through before he does it. And she jumps slightly, before sighing and curling against him, her emotions wrapping around him – delight, affection and a spark of desire that he tries not to think about too hard.

But he does, anyway. He has no idea how old she was when she was turned; and despite the almost-thirty years since she was changed, vampires do not fundamentally change. And he will not be the monster that preys on a young girl, that saps everything good and sweet from her, with his parasitic ' _gift'_.

He will, he thinks, deliver her into the care of the coven she has mentioned searching for. The ones that pose as a family, that attempt to live quietly amongst humans. A peaceful coven, who sensibly stay in the north. Who will keep her safe and will cherish her.

As she steps back, her emotions flutter again, and he thinks she would be blushing if she could.

"You surprised me," she tells him, feeling utterly delighted, as she loops her arm through his.

He cannot keep her, he _cannot_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And he pulls away from her, her eyes wide and confused as he tries to piece himself back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, favourited, followed and left kudos so far - and a special thank you to those who left reviews! They mean a lot to me - I write because it makes me happy, and the amount of reviews I get will never play a role in how quickly I update, but I am so very grateful to the reviews I do receive. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and the next update should be on Friday.

He cannot resist her.

He realises this around kiss sixty-seven, when she is wrapped around him, in an impossibly thin slip, her eyes luminous in the dark. She has one hand cupping his cheek and the look on her face is one of awe.

He buries his face in her hair and lets out a shuddering breath.

Her fingers find the buttons on his shirt, and he is intensely aware of the motion, of the sound, of them sliding through the button-holes.

He thinks about warning her, about the twisted, scarred mess of his body.

But… perhaps it will be the thing that sends her away, sends her cowering and disgusted; so he sighs and waits for the inevitable. For the hiss and the flight and the terror-disgust-hate to twist around him. 

It is his hiss that fills the room, him flinching back as soft lips brush a scar, gently working their way across his chest, hands pushing the fabric of his shirt aside. Instead of hate that wraps about his bones, it is affection and hope, love and the slow curl of desire. Of sympathy, but not pity. 

“Jasper?”

And he pulls away from her, her eyes wide and confused as he tries to piece himself back together.

“You don’t understand,” he snaps at her, pacing the room, as she perches cross-legged on the bed.

She smiles at him again, and shakes her head.

“It’s not me that doesn’t understand. _I’m not afraid of you._ ”

The words are obscene, and he backs away, even as she reaches out her hand to him, her eyes imploring him to return to her. 

She is not lying.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He always thought of the positive emotions as the most fragile. Hate, rage, vengeance all sunk heavily right to the bone. But her love, hope and joy are like electricity, leaving him raw and exposed, and now he flinches away from her hands, her kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, favourited, followed and left kudos so far - and a special thank you to those who left reviews! I apologise for the lateness of this update - I wasn't happy with the flow, and added this chapter to better segue into the next 'act'. I'm also working on other fics, and have fallen behind in my review replies, which I'll catch up on tomorrow. Next update will be Wednesday. Thank you for reading.

He doesn't know what to do.

The faded walls feel like they are creeping closer, every second he spends in the dank little room.

He can see the light catching dust motes as they drift around the room. Feeble sunshine has them imprisoned today. Alice is perched on the bed with her notebook. She looks up every so often, as if she is checking that he is still there.

They haven't touched since that disastrous night he attempted to take her to bed, her emotions too much for him to bare.

He always thought of the positive emotions as the most fragile. Hate, rage, vengeance all sunk heavily right to the bone.

But her love, hope and _joy_ are like electricity, leaving him raw and exposed, and now he flinches away from her hands, her kisses.

He doesn't understand her, not at all. Not the human role she plays, the way she _lives._ It's as if he is falling through the dark, with only her hand clasped in his to guide him.

The only scar she bares is where her neck and shoulder meet, a faded imprint.

He knows exactly how flesh, human and vampire, feels as his jaws close around it; the weight of it in his mouth. How vampire bone sounds as it snaps clean.

"It will rain soon," she says suddenly; she is watching him, her head cocked to the side. "We can go out."

_We._

An innocent word that never meant so much.

This time, he offers her his bare hand. She smiles at him (he hoards her smiles like a most despicable addict), and her gloved hand slips into his.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He thought there was no worse feeling than his victims as they died, their suffering seeping in through his skin and settling heavy in his bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, favourited, followed and left kudos so far - and a special thank you to those who left reviews! I'm still behind on review replies, but that will be happening this afternoon. I hope you enjoy this chapter - I think this 'act' is probably my favourite. Next update should be Friday morning. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

_How the dark wraps us up and promises to keep us safe._

He thought there was no worse feeling than his victims as they died, their suffering seeping in through his skin and settling heavy in his bones. 

Instead, it is Alice’s pain, Alice’s suffering, that is the worst feeling in existence. It is an ache, a burn, the memory of a raw, open wound. 

When he drags himself hunting – a double-edged pain, now he has her to leave behind – he keeps the image of her smile as she stood on tip-toes to kiss his cheek before they parted, as he sucks the life out of a sad-eyed man stinking of drink and regret.

He walks back slowly, trying to fight the fugue that sinks around him, pushing the image of Alice’s smiling face to the front of his mind. 

The sound of weeping precedes the emotions by seconds, and it is a wall of suffering, a blow that makes him stumble. But he recognizes it, recognizes her and he is moving faster, _too fast_ , to find her.

_To fix it._

He finds her in an alley. 

Her face and clothes are soaked with blood, the poor man sprawled across her lap.  

He gathers her into his arms, dragging the calm and love around her with every cell of his body, he realizes she cries like a child – the desperate grief, the soft hiccupping, never attempting to conceal her pain.

But her eyes remain dry, only the slightest welling of venom clinging to her eyelashes.

“I didn’t mean to,” she says over and over again, as if she is begging for his forgiveness, his absolution for her crime.

Comfort is all he has to offer her, truthfully. 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her ruby-coloured eyes transfix him, nearly matching the lipstick she wears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, favourited, followed and left kudos so far - and a special thank you to those who left reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter - next chapter should be on Sunday :)

Her ruby-coloured eyes transfix him, nearly matching the lipstick she wears.

But he hates them because she hasn't smiled since. She hasn't spoken as much, hasn't laughed, since she fed. He'd taken her back to their rooms, had stripped her of the blood-stained garments and sponged blood-stains from her skin.

The blood had stained her shift, but he couldn't bring himself to strip her, not like this. Not when she was so lost and brittle.

He wondered about her golden eyes before – no, not gold. Shades between red and yellow that held molten light within. If the way she felt to him had a colour, it would be that liquid golden shot through with copper. Warm and rich.

Her hand rests on his shoulder as he dabs the blood away, pressing a kiss to her palm; the ghost of a smile graces her lips, but the sadness hovers thickly around them, tainted with regret and self-loathing.

"I tried so hard," she murmurs finally. "So hard, and every single time…"

"You need to eat," he offers, and reaches out to tuck her hair behind her ear.

The sigh she heaves seems too full of feeling from someone so tiny, and he leans his forehead against hers.

"There are other ways," she says to him, like she's telling a secret, her hand against his cheek. "I didn't … I thought you'd leave if I said too much too fast."

He shakes his head minutely, letting some of his awe glide against her and her smile is another one that is a little shy and embarrassed, that deserves delicately pink cheeks to match.

"I'm not going anywhere, darlin'."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her hand might be cold stone, but it feels warm and soft against his cheek, and the hope settles within him once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, favourited, followed and left kudos so far - and a special thank you to those who left reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter - next chapter should be on Sunday :)

It takes days for her smile to reappear, for the hurts to heal. Until then, she is soft words and aching sadness.

“I see their lives, their futures, and they bleed away when I drain them,” she confesses, as they lie face to face. His hand rests on her hip, and she pillows her head on her hands, her eyes distant. “All their joys and sadness, I just… take it away.”

And then, she tells him. The mystery of the golden eyes, her attempts to resist human blood – she finds her salvation in animal blood.

Maria had told them nothing else would sustain them. She swore it had to be human blood or nothing, even when their deaths ate away at his sanity, at his reality.

“It isn’t human blood,” she admits, reaching out and tracing a curl. “But it doesn’t hurt when we feed. It keeps us strong. It’s just… _harder_ some days.” She closes her eyes. “I haven’t convinced you, have I?” she breathes.

He watches her, the way she coils the curl around her finger.

“That’s why your eyes were gold,” he murmurs, understanding. And it’s impossible, to think of her hunting animals, even when they are the deadliest things on this planet. 

“Not quite golden,” she sighs, and pulls her hand loose of his hair to stroke his cheek. “But one day; I’ve seen it.”

Her hand might be cold stone, but it feels warm and soft against his cheek, and the hope settles within him once again.  

He presses a kiss to her wrist, and basks in the smile that blooms on her face as he chooses golden over scarlet.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His gift is stretched too thin as her emotions batter against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, left kudos and reviewed, I'm very grateful! This is the last arc of this story - two more chapters and an epilogue. Not exactly sure what my next story will be - considering a few incredibly long AUs, but we shall see. I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you for reading!

_Like a gentle fire burning in my heart_

The first time they make love burns itself into every cell of his being. 

He is half-drunk on her luminous eyes, that are back to the tea-rose orange of the day he met her; the thoughts of smooth, moon-white limbs and soft curves.

He expects her to be bold and laughing, as she has been since they met. (It’s like he has always known her; that something long-lost is found again.)

Instead, she is shy, her nerves like butterflies against his gift.

When he gently reminds her they don’t have to do anything she doesn’t want, a new fierceness rises up in her.

“I want this,” her voice is sharp, and sounds the way her venom tastes when he kisses her, his hand cupping her head, her hands gripping his shoulders. He finds the tiny buttons on her slip, and carefully pulls them through each tiny loop, and as thin satin slides down her body, he is rewarded with one of her smiles, the ones that make his world spin.

They are a tumble of limbs on the bed, her fingers and lips tracing his scars, his lips grazing her jaw. He holds her as close as she can bear; it still isn’t close enough.

She is like fire and ice around him, and in all his lifetimes, it has never felt like this. His gift is stretched too thin as her emotions batter against him ( _love-desire-worry-lust_ ).

And, for once, he lets his own slip through the cracks, lets his love and awe and desire wrap around her, and she kisses him hard, and he is completely lost.  

He is, and always will be, hers.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They leave Philadelphia eleven days after they meet. It feels like a brand new lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, left kudos and reviewed, I'm very grateful! Sorry for the delay in these last chapters - I couldn't get the wording and the word count to work together, and then I got bogged down in university work (last semester of third year, whoot!) and other potential fic ideas. Not sure which one to post next. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you for reading.

They leave Philadelphia eleven days after they meet.

It feels like a brand new lifetime, walking away from the horrible little room in the worst part of Philadelphia. But for some reason, he looks upon it with affection – the spidery cracks on the ceiling, the smudged windows, the crack in the plaster behind the bed.

They pack their things in one old bag – the dress she was wearing the day they met, a spare shirt for him, a pouch of money, her notebook and comb. Everything else is discarded, though he's almost sad to see her hat and gloves go.

As they leave the city it rains, and he holds the umbrella over them both, recalling the last rain he saw. It feels as long ago as the Monterrey battles – unforgettable but undeniably in his past.

She laughs as she splashes the puddles, her arm tucked around his - unwilling to let go of him but taking such joy in the weather, droplets clinging to her eyelashes. The few people on the street stare - a tiny girl, her threadbare skirt twirling around her knees, her stockings and shoes soaked through. A solemn man, her arm tucked around his.

To them he is holding her up, instead of holding tight; letting her take him wherever she wishes to go, anywhere her heart desires, as long as he is at her side.

Suddenly her arms are wrapping around him, her face pressed to his chest and her joy dips into _relief-delight-love_.

"I'm just so glad I finally found you," she whispers.

There are no words as he wraps his arms around her.

They don't need any.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some days, it feels like he has always known her, and was waiting for her as she waited for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have come to the end, finally. Thank you so much to everyone who read, favourited, subscripted and commented - it means the world to me. My next fic will be another Alice/Jasper tentatively called Memento Mori, and I have no idea when it will be posted. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

How long have they been together?

He could work it out, certainly. In weeks and days; hours and minutes. But those are details he doesn’t need. The answer is simple. _Not long enough._  

Some days, it feels like he has always known her, and was waiting for her as she waited for him. Other days, she feels so new and so precious, he cannot help but stare. Memorize the curve of her cheek and curl of her lips; breathe in her scent of rainwater and cotton.

They have had long summer days in shaded forests, barefoot and glimmering as they wade in streams. They have spent dark winters in forgotten homes, curled bare together in borrowed beds.

They have both battled against the bloodlust.

They don’t win every battle, but Alice is determined they will win the war.

He sees the peace in when her eyes fade from his tea-rose orange to bottomless goldenrod he loses himself in for hours. He swears that he will succeed, for her, for him, for them both. If he ever notes his life with mile-markers, it will be with the colour of her eyes.

Today is the day they are headed towards Minnesota. Alice has finally found _them_. A so-called family for them to join.

He wonders what will change. Sometimes the idea that they might lose this synchronicity, that she will find something better, eats away at him. Other times, when her love wraps lazily around him, and he catches her awe-struck grin, he knows nothing will change. They’ll simply be more than they are now. 

For now, he’ll go wherever she leads. 

And it will be perfect. 

_ We have so much quiet to offer here. We’ll be waiting. _


End file.
